Misty Mountain Hop

Admission process notwithstanding, a brilliant summer vacation was in the works for me. So, as a sort of season finale, I will be writing about my experiences during my recent vacation to North India, namely Uttarakhand/Uttaranchal/tiny-bit-of-ex-Uttar Pradesh, whatever takes the fancy of the very highly respected Indian Government.

Some of my observations during the trip:-

• Never pre-book your tours (unless with family). Or be prepared to play cards at a height of 6000 feet above mean sea level.

• When going to North India, be prepared to eat Alu, Potato, Taters, Spud, Alu again, Batata, or whatever you want to call it. And tell me if you don’t get sick of it after coming back.

Us :- What can we get to eat?

Waiter :- Saab, Aloo Paratha, Aloo Baingan, Aloo Jeera, Aloo Mutter, Aloo Thitchwani (A Local Dish), Aloo Tamatar. Oh, we also have plain Aloo if you fancy it.

• You might find yourself dangling off the edge of the road, just when you thought you were going to reach the national highway.

• National highways in Uttaranchal (I prefer the earlier name) are a little more than bullock-cart tracks. An inch or so wider. Ah, the bliss of driving at 20 kmph.

• Supposedly one of the holiest places in India, Rishikesh is little more than a shanty-town, with more crooks than Gods.

• In Uttaranchal, the retail price of manufactured goods varies directly with altitude above sea level, or inversely with temperature, or better still, inversely with waistlines.

• The flies and bees in the Valley Of Flowers are so incredibly dumb that I stamped on a fly and killed it. And I flicked another one off a rock into the nearby river with my shoe. 😛

• The “pure” water in the water-falls of the state has its source immersed in a deluge of plastic bags filled with stuff which would make you throw up.

• Do not scream, speak, jump around, talk, whisper, change your underwear or have a bath anywhere near the road. Or be prepared to have a landslide and be stranded there for the next few hours.

• Oh, and be prepared to wear the same set of underclothes for days on end.

• Maharashtrians and my family (from Mumbai) are the only people in God-forsaken, but “very holy” places of this area.

• All the “sacred” cows in Uttaranchal are lethargic to the point of being frustrating. Lazing around in the centre of the road. Can we make these cows martyrs by pushing them off the cliffs?

• All roads lead to heaven here. Just drive off the edge of the road.

• The District Headquarters of each district in Uttaranchal has a general store, a clothes store, and a Garhwal Mandal Vikas Nigam hotel.

For now, that’s all folks!

Nevertheless, I had a brilliant holiday. Trekked 68 kms on foot. A commendable achievement. Very antithetical, aren’t I?