Shall We Tell The President ?

Reader Of This Blog :- Isn’t this just another piece of criticism levelled at the way our Country is being run ?

Inner Conscience – Yes, but as Shridhar has written it, you must read it.

ROTB :- Yeah, but he’s always so critical/cynical of/about things!

IC :- Oh, what the hell …

ROTB :- (starts reading) It all began with me (i.e Shridhar) reading a book by Jeffrey Archer, called Honour Among Thieves…

Yes, it all began there. However, that book is all about Saddam and his plot to defame the US government by stealing the original Declaration Of Independence and burning it in front of the US media. My article is something closer home, but nevertheless as comical as it can get.

Just that day, I was engrossed in the newspapers when I caught sight of an article on the Thakur Complex dispute. For all the uninterested/bored/dumb-enough-not-to-read-the-newspaper ones, a bit of history on this. A recent investigation into Thakur Complex led to the discovery that Thakur Complex was built on area reserved for forest land. Well, you can argue that those big buildings look a lot like trees…

But what the hell, they are concrete trees nevertheless. The officials-in-question prick up their ears with all the spotlight shone onto them. (Completely fictional) Reporter to official :- What can you tell us about this land dispute ? Official :- Oh, these forests are so precious. I just love the forest. We must do everything to protect it. Hold on. (In the background) Clear all those trees in the backyard for my new Dish TV, for God’s Sake!

The blame game ensues. Celebrities enter the arena. The usual hypocrisy follows. And as goes Metallica’s album…. And (In)Justice For All.

So shall we tell the President?

Oh, hell, no. The President is too busy to be disturbed. Wait, what’s that? Do I hear a press conference? Or is it something which doesn’t have anything to do with running the country?

Well, who cares? Do I ? Does the Prime Minister ? Does anyone care ?

(This seems a day for consciences) Small voice at the back of my head :- Damn it boy, you should care. You are writing this article. I firmly shut up the damned voice and continue with the article.

By the way, I recently got to know something more about obesity. (ROTB :- Don’t we know everything already?) No, we dont. (In a dumb-blonde-esque moment) You know, obesity is bad even for the country. (ROTB :- That’s Inflation, dumb-ass…)

Oh yeah, but isn’t that just as bad?

Well, yeah, NOW shall we tell the President ?

Huh, is he/she fat ?

(ROTB :- Stop cracking those PJs !)

Commie Parties :- We will not allow the Nuke deal to go through, however we will continue supporting the Congress. We don’t want BJP to use our old rulers’ policy. We don’t know how to spell Uranium. Is it Y-O-U-R-A-I-N-I-U-M ?

President Of The United States :- Yeah, well, yeah, well. I, err, guess it’s spelt that way. Doesn’t it sound like Osama-bin-Laden ? Ain’t that a Moslem name ? (Screams to Secretary Of State) Bomb the hell outta them! Those fucking guys want to blow down Hugh Hefner’s mansion. That’s national heritage, innit ? Send all troops to the Middle East. Get their oil!

Secretary Of State :- Tee hee hee … (Always thought the Secretary had a thing for Mr. President)

What’s The Frequency, Kenneth ?

Music. I just can’t survive without it. This is a tribute to all those people who have helped me love music as I love it today. Among those are 2 of my best friends and my sister and a cousin. Let’s get on with it already now!

Genres of music are really confusing as many artistes tend to mix many genres into their creations. I am really lost for words when someone asks me to differentiate between different genres of music. Although the distinguishing features are far too many, its really hard to put sounds into words. Making bass noises really sounds like someone trying to convert Morse code into music with extremely poor results. Many-a-times, my friends ask me about the difference between hip-hop and rap.

Now I’d say its easy enough to recognize. Not that I’m a professional, but its pretty easy even for people who’ve heard about these genres for the 1st time. And as my friend pointed out, most hip-hop/rap artistes are African-American (read black). Don’t count me as racist, its really a fact. (Let’s just call African-Americans as AAs, in case anyone reading might be offended by the “black” tag). Rap and hip-hop requires a certain amount of talent with regard to singing to be able to carry it out perfectly.

Rap requires a lot of quick singing/speaking which is really what AAs do best. Hip-hop is really a kind of melodious rap with the singing keeping pace with the tune. Now, I’m really not a fan of rap or hip-hop as i consider the lyrics of most of these artists as senseless and arguably violent. I’m glad I took my friend’s advice and switched to rock from hip-hop. While I really can’t insult any person’s musical choices, I really feel rap and other such genres are detrimental to the moral values of the society.

Now moving on to similar genres like RnB, House, Trance, etc. Most of these are recently coined genres (I guess so). RnB is similar to hip-hop, except that it is more melody-oriented rather than vocals-oriented. House and Trance music is what you commonly hear at most discos and nightclubs. Trance music is a rage nowadays with many DJs cashing in on their sound-mixing abilities.

Now, coming to my favourite genre. Yup, you guessed right. Rock it is. Rock is completely different from the aforemntioned genres. While the others create music from electronic devices along with the traditional ones, rock music is (mostly) based on the combination of guitars, drums and occassionally, the piano. I’d say rock requires a lot more talent than the other genres do. But its just a matter of opinion.

Rock is just one part of the story. There’s jazz, blues, metal, etc as well as pop music.

Pop music makes use of a lot of melodious singing combined with pleasant sounds. It is mostly on the talent of the vocalist that the success of pop artistes is based. Jazz is a version of pop/rock which is accompanied by use of wind instruments like the saxophone, trumpet, trombone, etc. Blues is strictly an acoustic version of rock, thus making no use of electric guitars/ electric bass whatsoever.

Coming to metal. This is the most misunderstood genre of music ever. Most people relate metal to noise. I’d agree to a certain extent. But to a certain extent ONLY! 90% of metal is noise. The rest 10% has some of the best artistes of all time, like Led Zeppelin, Judas Priest, Metallica, Megadeth among others.

These are the most popular genres in music. I might have missed out some, but please bear with me. The musical choices you make are your choice and your opinion only. Don’t let this article (or my opinion) influence you. The point is to enjoy music, be it classical or just our Masala Bollywood songs. So as John Lennon and Jim Morrison strove to do, enjoy the poetry that is music !

And as Joe Elliot sings – “Let’s Get Rocked”!

The Bathroom Chronicles

A pleasant Monday morning and Mom and Dad have already left for work. Try to grab a few more “zzzz”s but notice the time and get the hell out of bed. Smug smile appears on face as the realization, that Dad is not home, dawns. Go to brush teeth and grimace at the sight of BigFoot’s new hairstyle peeking out from behind the mirror. Ugly taste of something eaten the previous night emerges. Got to brush teeth. Brush teeth, hate taste of new, horrible toothpaste.

Start water for bath. Bernoulli’s rate-flow equation seems only hypothetical. Yawns galore as water takes ages to fill up. In the meantime, fold all the things slept in. Make house a bit presentable. Destroy any evidence of prohibited things.

Look around for any form of entertainment and spot the day’s newspapers lying on the dining table. Water-heater still defiantly refusing to accept Master Bernoulli’s presence. Start reading HT Cafe, the only decent paper around. Chuckle at a few of Honey’s (of Under Honey’s Hat fame) insulting comments.

Admire the beauties adorning the pages. Make a mental note of looking at Jennifer Love Hewitt’s semi-naked photo more times that day. Finally, the joyful sound of the bucket filling up break the monotonous silence of a beautiful (read boring) morning.

Grab a towel, undies and all the essentials required for/after a bath. Enter bathroom. Humidity up 100%. Seems like a sauna in the bathroom. Touch the water, draw hand away immediately. Superheated water, cannot be bathed in. Start the cold water faucet (why is everybody, including me, so greatly influenced by Americans?).

Exit bathroom. Listen to some music. Grab a bite of food. Or what is supposed to be the morning breakfast. Glance at Hewitt’s photo again. Water fills up in the bucket. Satisfied by the successful application of the 1st law of Thermodynamics, take off clothes. The next few minutes cannot be described here, as they are PG-13.

As no parents in their right minds sit with their kid reading a dumb blog, short clip edited successfully by Censor Board. Take a long time bathing, day-dreaming a few times. Forget to apply soap, start applying with only a few mugfuls of water left. Using the remaining water while keeping the EVS guys happy, start wiping myself dry. Wear everything and exit bathroom.

Scratch my butt a few times. Start the process of sitting down to study. Scratch my butt again. Open book. Big urge to scratch again. Then howl with pain.

Arghh ! Ants in the pants !

Cheerio!

Seems a strange name for this blog. And this site’s name is even stranger. Dreams about a simple site to just write your crap in. But no, those brilliant guys had to put in all the jargon they could think of. For example, what do they mean by “Allow Pings” ?

Anyway, moving on to my lack of respect for my CET exams. I have started this blog when most nerdy kids who make up Standard 12th have their noses to the grindstone.

This blog might not be as witty or funny as Chinmay Kamat’s is or maybe not as well written. But it helps get all the entropy (see I can use fancy words) out of my mind. Which reminds me of the JEE exams coming up.

“Entropy in this world can never be reduced, only increased.”

Confusion. And I have taken my bows. And the curtain falls.