The Fiftieth!

I had contemplated writing a special article for my fiftieth blogpost, even taking the pains to research a subject I recently loved to like. I was all serious about it, reading articles on Wiki, downloading the movie Se7en to get a bit of background and even psychoanalysing a few of my friends. Yes, the Seven Sins were to be my Fiftieth blogpost.

But alas, fate(?) intervened, and I found myself lacking the inspiration(which happens rarely) or the ideas to put it all together. The last straw was when I forgot to save whatever I had written, depending on the ever-dependable WordPress to pull me through. That did not happen, which is precisely why I am here writing a consolatory post as my fiftieth.

It’s been a nearly a year since I started blogging, and it has definitely not beena breeze. I have gone through phases when I felt blogging wasn’t worth the trouble. You do get disillusioned when the pretty picture someone’s painted you about instant fame is shattered. It’s not all fun, being a blogger. You have to be constantly motivated to write something to keep your readers enthused, not to mention interested.

The time I started my blog was the most torrid time of my life, when I struggled with the idea that I might actually end up languishing in a 3rd rate college in some corner of Mumbai. WordPress.com was the only thing that helped me gain some self-confidence during that time. Even after exams were over and I got the time to write more often, I was frustrated by the lack of readers my blog had. Yet, I kept at it, and my real reward came when I joined SP. A certain friend has helped in publicizing my blog, and I cannot thank him enough for that. People have read, appreciated and hopefully enjoyed whatever I write, and more importantly, it has helped me make more friends at SP(both CE and IT). For this, I am grateful to all those people from SP who do read my blog.

Comments are the life-blood of a blogger. For all those lazy enough( 😉 ) to not comment on anyone’s blogs, I would advise them to do so. Comments delight my fellow-sufferers like nothing else. So share the karma :D!

In My Time Of Dying

I climbed a few steps and looked around tentatively. I was very apprehensive about what was going to happen when I reached the top.

The emotions going through me were overwhelming. Something turned over in my stomach, which was, in all probability, the burger I’d just devoured. I do chew and swallow, but the description of the dissolved food is hardly appealing, I assume.

I climbed a few more steps. I though of all the happy things I’d done in that day, all the great times I had in the week. Though I admit my memory is horrible, the joyous months I spent, and the wonderful years I’d lived. It all came rushing back to me. Your final moments are always used to relive the best times of your life. Even in the movies.

With renewed vigour, I climbed with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. But the smile drooped and the bounce un-bounced as I looked around me. I climbed slowly now, almost plodded along.

I thought of my family, my mom and dad, my sister, whose comforting presence I’d never appreciated, my aunts and uncles, and the bucket-load of cousins that I have. It’s almost like a New Year Resolution. You promise yourself that you’ll be more of a “people” person, but it never happens. You’ll always be the surly introvert who looked like the doctor forgot to take the catheter out after your angiography.

Though this did not cheer me up as much as before, I tried to get to my destination faster. I was cold now. Dripping with water, or was it sweat? I messed up my now-wet hair, with a view to make it more presentable. You’ve got to look good before you go forth to your death, right?

I was pretty close to where I wanted to be now. It was just a few steps away.

I prayed to God to deliver me from my misery. Yes, I know, I don’t believe in God, but there are times when you feel like it. This was one of those times.

5 steps to go.

I prayed.

4…

3…

2… I heard those cruel voices, in my head, asking me to do it quickly and get it over with.

1…

I’d reached the thing sitting in judgement over me.

I walked towards it boldly.

Took a a deep breath.

The wind rushed through my ears.

I took a breath of the fresh air…

And fell flat on my stomach on the surface of the swimming pool.

Ouch! That does hurt.

P.S: That Has happened to me. Though the height of the diving board is highly exaggerated here.

Trippin’ On A Hole In A Paper Heart

Reality TV does teach you something once in a while. Besides being a bucketload of crap, it does show you the nadirs and pinnacles of human emotion. It also shows you how rats react when cornered. It also shows human psychology at its worst, at its most despicable moments. True glimpses of reality TV is what you get when Mumbai University results are out.

Cut back to when exams were going on. We had only 3 days of respite before we had our CP exams. I had this all-pervading feeling of a ship sinking running through my head all of those 3 days. A few friends I called up were actually enjoying themselves, having finished studying CP in their respective classes. All I could think of was, “I am fvcked.” I didn’t know a thing of CP, which was pretty true. The day of the CP exam dawned, gloomy and forbidding. I gave my CP paper. Attempted a satisfactory 65 marks (assured) + 10 marks (bluffed) worth, hoping to pass.

Cut back to the 7 days before the Mech exam. Having studied for the JEE exams (or having pretended to do so :P), I was confident I could pass. As before, the day of the exam dawned, but cheery and bright. It was only after the exam that the sun blocked out the sky, and vultures dotted the sky. I was sure they were out to get me, probably my first notable failure. I had attempted 70 marks + 10 marks (bluffed), out of which I had an assured 20 marks wrong. However, this sum I had attempted, had only a minor decimal error in the sum, even though the concept was totally wrong.

Skip forward to the day when our passage to the next semester, or failure, was to be documented on the internet. I had passed 🙂

Skip even further to when the marks were displayed. 2 64/100s in CP and Mech. I was ecstatic.

Okay, now stay exactly where you were. 2 people accused me of having had immense luck, which I did. They further iterated that I did not deserve a thing in CP, and that I deserved to fail. Well, maybe I didn’t deserve a thing in CP, but I did deserve to pass, looking at the many people in my Java classes, who are lousy compared to me. You know, things like that touch a nerve somewhere, and I don’t usually write about such sensitive things on my blog.

Out of them, one I can easily forgive, just because he is a good friend. The other, I can’t.

One of my seniors told us to forget about having been school/college/subject toppers during their lifetimes. The examiners at MU don’t give a shite. Just leave your egos behind when you come to engineering.

And he was right, yet the above two still think they are the kings of their former roosts.

P.S: Mayuresh, I apologize for any harshness that my post seemed to convey. I hope the apologies are accepted. Be happy that you are the one I can forgive 😛

Wall Of Denial

I should start a new category called “Rants Against Pseudo Bloggers.” Which will include my dear friends Mayuresh, Siddhu and a few others. Absolutely no shame. As Krithika rightly said, Mayuresh is actually(and fortunately for us) proud of being a blogger who writes a post a year. I don’t even know why people make a blog if they don’t want to write on it. I mean, what’s the point of the whole thing?

I doubt any of them want to seem pseudo-kewl. Wait, kewl is pseudo anyway. I bet, Blogger and WordPress are filled with blogs like Mayuresh’s. And I am NOT going to add you to my blog-roll unless you start crunching some keys. And I am taking Siddhu off my blog-roll too. So get to work, guys!