Screaming For Vengeance

Okay, I was just watching the United-Birmingham game today, and I decided that enough is enough. No, I was not full after stuffing myself with a chocolate brownie. I had had enough of players who are sneaky and deserve to have their balls chopped off. I have also had enough of players who are absolute scumbags. The list, put out henceforth, is opinion-based only, and the players will be categorized accordingly.

The order in which they appear is not necessarily the order in which I hate them, but oh well…

1. Patrice Evra – Balls chopped off

Just looking at that ugly mug makes me want to puke. I’m not saying he’s a terrible player, just that his balls are dispensable. His work-ethic is good, no doubt. But more often than no, he scythes people off the ground. Then he lifts that detestable face up to the officials, and asks, in what he assumes is an innocent face, but is actually a good imitation of an Indian pig, as to what the matter is with his “good” tackle. Can never be forgiven for countless Stamford Bridge fracas, for which he ended up being punished. And good riddance to bad rubbish there.

2. Stephen Hunt – Balls chopped off

Another personal vendetta for Chelsea fans is to boo Hunt till he sinks into the ground, sorry for what he did. Courtesy is definitely not a word in this c*nt’s dictionary, guilty for smashin Cech’s skull in with his knee, yet even failing to acknowledge that he made a mistake and apologising to Cech. The smile with which he ran off afterwards, without so much as a rap on his knuckles from the FA, deserves to be toothless, hopefully from a nice punch some guy’ll give him. Nasty, nasty player.

3. Michael Brown – Balls chopped off

I doubt many people know this guy, but he’s played for Wigan before, and is now warming the bench at Fulham. Easily the player I hate most in the EPL. Sneaky tackler, ugly brawler, no respect for the opposing players, all add up to a terrible footballer and an even worse professional.

4. Paul Scholes – Total scumbag (On the pitch)

A classy player going forward. Defensively, he’s just as terrible. Terrible here doesn’t mean he can’t play. This guy has played in the league for 20 years, yet he has never learned how to tackle. He just raps most players across the knee, and then thinks he’s not committed a foul. Terrible tackles, and even worse attitude. Don’t know how people actually like him.

5. Ashley Cole – Total scumbag (Off the pitch)

Cheats on Cheryl Cole. Money-hungry. Does it get worse?

6. Javier Mascherano – Total scumbag (On the pitch)

Again, sneaky tackler. Maybe he’s a good thing for Liverpool, but I’ve always hated players like him. Dick up your ass, man.

The Elephant Man’s Alarm Clock

All my life, I’ve been building and destroying in equal measure. It’s like I thought I was God. Maybe I inspired the Enticer ad. The one with the “I Feel Like God” tag-line. It’s partially due to the fact that I was born with a nearly-silver spoon up my ass. And seeing that it didn’t need anymore shoving, I didn’t feel like I had to work for anything. So I started things anew, or destroyed whatever I had.

Case of point is that I loved playing with cookers when I was younger, and with a lot more flesh amidst my bones. Believe it or not, pressure cookers delighted me. Born mechie, or compulsive noise polluter? Both, probably. Seems I loved banging the two parts of a cooker together to make a huge din, and for hours on end.

Contrary to this, I had a huge collection of Lego blocks, which I don’t have now, due to my mother’s extreme generosity towards some brat. Lego blocks are a kind of puzzle-on-steroids things, for the ill-informed. I loved the stuff, and it was costly stuff TBH. You could build loads of things with it. Summer days would just fly past once you had something in mind to build, and a couple of friends to join in. We’ve made ships, fighter bases, Star Wars-style battle stations and lots of other shit, including some weird combinations of Lego + GI Joes.

As I got older, things never changed. I still liked the same kinds of things. Strategy games, the ones which had building in them rather than destroying. That ensured I loved games like Caesar, Knights and Merchants and Zeus, apart from the standard fare of AOE and AOM. I loved making empires out of my humble beginnings, and I loved order and structural formats. Roller Coaster Tycoon, I loved. Same with Zoo Tycoon. Once in a while, my destructive streak got the better of me and I deleted a part of the track on a roller coaster or a part of the fence in a zoo.

The roller coasters would crash to the ground, killing all the people, or the animals would run riot. I’ve also tried drowning people in ponds and lakes, and it works! You should try it out sometime, it’s fun 😛

I built up my movie and music collection from scratch, with some help from my friends and parents too 🙂

I usually destroy people’s belief in their grammar and spellings by obsessing about each bit.

I love ensuring that people start a habit of reading non-academic books.

Hopefully, I’ve done something decent and worthwhile in my life, which does not include studies.

For all those who know me well, please help me out with this question. On a one-to-one basis, how much do you think I’ve changed from when I was in school, till now?

Mr. Brightside

A man walking on the road sees an armoured vehicle go by, with a huge police escort. He observes the hulabaloo for a while, and sees something fluttering towards him. He catches it, and to his intense surprise, it is a Rs 10,000 note. With a shake of his head, he throws the note away and walks along. Noticing a TV on display at the showroom, he goes to have a look at the morning news. To his dismay, he sees the RBI Governor announce that a new note of Rs 10,000 has been introduced to the public. If only he’d believed…

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The admission process to a college is in progress. A boy looks at the ranks to which seats are being allotted. He has a score of 89%. But the score at which the current admissions stand is a whopping 94%. There are 20 seats and 200 students before him, for his preferred field. He has to choose between the train he has to catch back to his hometown, or wait for an improbable seat till very late in the evening, due to technical delays. He chooses to leave on the rain. When he gets back home, he checks out his standing in the admission procedure. There are 10 seats and only 7 people before him. His heart skips a beat…

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Girl lies in bed while looking at her bright mobile screen. She has a smile on her face. Her boyfriend has got excellent results in his exams, and he has offers from many universities. The only problem is that he has an opportunity to go to a very good university away from home. An equally good college right here at home has offered him a seat, but the lure of hostel life appeals to him. She doesn’t want him to give up his dreams, but in jest, she messages, “Are you leaving me?” Seeing his reply as “I might want to”, she switches off her phone, and it remains that way till next evening. When she tries to call him that time, his mom picks up, and in a tearful voice, explains that he’d lost his life in a bike accident. If only she’d had one last time to tell him what he meant to her…

A lot of things we do in life are done hurriedly. Sometimes we think back on them, sometimes we don’t. But whatever you decide, don’t be too hasty or impatient about it. Or you might live to regret it later 🙂

What?

My dad always taught me to think that India can improve. But the truth is, it cannot. It cannot break free of the numerous shackles that bind it. It cannot break free from the ignorant and crass public that it houses. They think India is a whore which they can use, just by paying money in the form of tax, only for the pimps to get their money-grubbing paws onto the money and ravage the whore even further. Well, it’s true. I’ve known this country for 19 years, and I still do not know all of it. I love the country, but I hate the people. I even hate myself for not trying hard enough to help India. Because I know I’m going to leave the country and go away forever. Atleast I get rid of one more burden on this beautiful country, which is ruled and inhabited by selfish, fucking bastards.

The India Shining with which we delude ourselves, is sinking into a self-made pit of despair and nothingness. Or am I?