Finding Fanny Fernandez

Rating: 4 / 5

I’m not a person who regularly goes and watches movies produced by anyone remotely related to Bollywood. But since Being Cyrus (and Cocktail being a momentary blip), I have the utmost respect for Homi Adajania. And Finding Fanny is a ray of sunshine in this dark time (according to me), for Hindi cinema. Even though I watched the English version, it is still a Bollywood movie.

Though I would like to clarify that it is not like any other Bollywood movie I’ve ever seen. It is beautiful, funny in ways that Bollywood directors would not understand and sensible enough to realize the flow of the movie. Finding Fanny is a movie about, well, finding Fanny. Better known as Stefanie Fernandez. The quirky journey, which brings out aspects of all the characters, covers almost the full movie. The ensemble cast is phenomenal with the older actors doing brilliantly to outshine Padukone and Kapoor.

A warning to anyone who enjoys the kind of humour Bollywood churns out. This movie is not for you. Watch it if you want, but don’t curse because you don’t understand it. For one thing, fans of Bollywood will feel when the Interval arrives just 45-50 minutes into the movie. The film drifts along at its own pace, headed without much direction, but with every visual meant to please your eyes. Padukone looks stunning throughout the movie, Gareebon Ka Wolverine (thanks AIB) looks rakish, as he is supposed to. The funniest part of the movie is the cat’s storyline, which might be the only redeeming factor for most people. But the fact that Adajania has made Finding Fanny look as beautiful as, say, the ridiculously expensive Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara at less than half that film’s budget is credible. Goa, even without the beaches, has never looked more stunning.

Having said that, Finding Fanny is not even half as quirky as Adajania’s directorial debut, Being Cyrus. It is still a fun watch, maybe a one-time watch for most people. But I promise you, you will leave the cinema hall with a smile on your face. This review contains absolutely nothing that will spoil your first watch of the movie. But please, do not miss Finding Fanny and Adajania’s quirky look at life in rural Goa.

P.S. How did I ever forget the soundtrack? It is beautiful beyond comparison. Such a breath of fresh air to not see people dancing around on screen and tons of background dancers assisting them. Inspite of the absence of typical Bollywood music, this movie is stunning. Go figure.

Venus In Furs

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms Director,

WHAT were you thinking of when you made your movie? Exactly, what? Even my neighbour’s pet dog would have made my evening more satisfying by scratching himself behind the ear. Did you really think that was entertainment? Sure, if you were certified dippy or something right out of “George of the Jungle”. After your last movie, I thought maybe this one would be uncommonly good. But no, you had to make the same old stuff all over again.

Maybe they should start director’s classes now. Maybe Spielberg or Scorsese could be invited for a few lectures. Now, I’m seriously confused as to your genre. Did you say comedy? I’m a bit short of hearing. C-O-M-E-D-Y? A man trying to close his zipper does look like he’s shagging somebody, doesn’t he? Or how about a few digs at gays, eunuchs, and so many other anti-social elements of our society? People peeing on each other is hilarious, right? Nice. Now we know why our society is so backward. Of course, the major reasons needn’t be mentioned, but people really do enjoy such slapstick stuff. Crude. Definitely. And you start it.

People tell me to leave my brain at home when I go to watch your movies. Well, biologically, even you know it isn’t possible. But your movie actually demonstrated that, and expected us to laugh. Really now. Ha Ha. I really don’t want to watch such movies, but some of my “patriotic” friends want me to go with them. I am not patriotic if I don’t appreciate lousy movies like yours truly, and the inane songs with the inaner lyrics that your music directors seem to churn out like a mass-production line. People do actually say that sort of stuff. Maybe your movies about “patriotism” really managed to delude them into thinking you were good. Okay, some of our movies are truly good. Jhankaar Beats, Dil Chahata Hai, et al were truly brilliant movies, both perfect-o in their delivery and comic sense.

All you do is to bring together some of our “supposed” comedy-specialists, toss up some crap about something related to a vague love story, with gangsters, homosexuals, etc. all mixed in, and some crappy one-liners about something related to sexuality thrown in. What’s to wash it down you ask? Beer? A nice glass of red wine? No, you have to go and concoct some anti-climatic climax, shaken but not stirred, so that you feel like banging your head. Even better. Making a slasher movie. Just like you did when you saw your previous attempt at direction.

Hey, I’ve even attached a photograph of yours from a recent publicity event related to your latest movie. I hope you like it. They even managed a quote from you. You absolutely hate publicity, don’t you? Quite the loner. Well, I assume even loners would go all out to promote their movies, appearing here there and everywhere, a la Barkha Dutt. But you can’t really expect good stuff from anyone nowadays. Or can you?

Yours (quite un-)sincerely,

Fan No. 123456789012345