Screaming For Vengeance

August 16, 2009 at 11:32 pm (But I Didn't Shoot The Deputy!)
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Okay, I was just watching the United-Birmingham game today, and I decided that enough is enough. No, I was not full after stuffing myself with a chocolate brownie. I had had enough of players who are sneaky and deserve to have their balls chopped off. I have also had enough of players who are absolute scumbags. The list, put out henceforth, is opinion-based only, and the players will be categorized accordingly.

The order in which they appear is not necessarily the order in which I hate them, but oh well…

1. Patrice Evra – Balls chopped off

Just looking at that ugly mug makes me want to puke. I’m not saying he’s a terrible player, just that his balls are dispensable. His work-ethic is good, no doubt. But more often than no, he scythes people off the ground. Then he lifts that detestable face up to the officials, and asks, in what he assumes is an innocent face, but is actually a good imitation of an Indian pig, as to what the matter is with his “good” tackle. Can never be forgiven for countless Stamford Bridge fracas, for which he ended up being punished. And good riddance to bad rubbish there.

2. Stephen Hunt – Balls chopped off

Another personal vendetta for Chelsea fans is to boo Hunt till he sinks into the ground, sorry for what he did. Courtesy is definitely not a word in this c*nt’s dictionary, guilty for smashin Cech’s skull in with his knee, yet even failing to acknowledge that he made a mistake and apologising to Cech. The smile with which he ran off afterwards, without so much as a rap on his knuckles from the FA, deserves to be toothless, hopefully from a nice punch some guy’ll give him. Nasty, nasty player.

3. Michael Brown – Balls chopped off

I doubt many people know this guy, but he’s played for Wigan before, and is now warming the bench at Fulham. Easily the player I hate most in the EPL. Sneaky tackler, ugly brawler, no respect for the opposing players, all add up to a terrible footballer and an even worse professional.

4. Paul Scholes – Total scumbag (On the pitch)

A classy player going forward. Defensively, he’s just as terrible. Terrible here doesn’t mean he can’t play. This guy has played in the league for 20 years, yet he has never learned how to tackle. He just raps most players across the knee, and then thinks he’s not committed a foul. Terrible tackles, and even worse attitude. Don’t know how people actually like him.

5. Ashley Cole – Total scumbag (Off the pitch)

Cheats on Cheryl Cole. Money-hungry. Does it get worse?

6. Javier Mascherano – Total scumbag (On the pitch)

Again, sneaky tackler. Maybe he’s a good thing for Liverpool, but I’ve always hated players like him. Dick up your ass, man.

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Bluesy Boos?

January 19, 2009 at 7:14 pm (But I Didn't Shoot The Deputy!)
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17th January 2009

One of those rare days. Hope days like these never come again. Faith doubted is faith lost. Or is it? Match-day 21. Chelsea playing Stoke at the Bridge. Half a year ago, 3 points guaranteed. Present state, Chelsea at home? Who the heck are they? From being the side with the greatest mental strength in Europe to a stuttering, faltering side who struggle to beat newly-promoted teams at home. Wait, what was that?

I grab my place in front of the idiot box. Saturdays and Sundays are the days I refuse to hand the remote over to my parents (or sister as is the case currently). The remote follows me over the place a la Mary and her Little Lamb. Not that I’m Mary, but I know you guys aren’t stupid enough for direct comparisons. You don’t look it, that you might be is an altogether different matter. It even accompanies me to the toilet. No kidding.

So, as I said, Me in front of the box. Curse Scolari a few times. Stupid team selection. What the fvck is he doing with a 4-3-3 having 3 strikers out of which only one can score without placing a nude model in front of the goal? Not that I want Diver-boy to play.

Out of the 3, even my grandmother could play better than Malouda. I still wonder why Scolari continues to pick him. Same with Ballack. No doubt he was a brilliant player in his prime, which is now past. Now, he just passes the ball to the other team. Lousy.

Not the reason to lose faith in the team now, is there? But having the horrible personnel that it had, even then Chelsea had to beat Stoke City, you would think. But no, might Chelsea had to scrape and sqeak and whimper their way around. No doubt they dominated the match, but the created enough chances to feed a couple of dormice. No life in the game. No passion for the game. No determination to win. Just a few men plodding around in elderly fashion trying to entertain a couple of footballers. First time I ever switched a TV off before a Chelsea match ended.

Not done. Tried to tell my parents how horrible my team was playing. My parents suggested I stop being so emotional about a football team. What else do I be emotional about? They even suggested switching teams. The very blasphemous idea chilled me to the bone. Change teams?! Never in the world.

The result is this post.

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Blue Is The Blood!

December 8, 2008 at 11:39 pm (Uncategorized)
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Going to start a new blog on my favourite football club, Chelsea FC. People interested in contributing please leave comments in this post. That way, I’ll increase the number of comments, plus get valuable contributions from you guys. :D Hopefully, I’ll crunch some keys faithfully.

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The Humongous Aston Villa Conspiracy Theory

October 28, 2008 at 4:00 pm (I Shot The Sheriff!)
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I get pretty boring writing about the same topics don’t I? Football, music, books, etcetera. Well, I continue with my passions and will try to enthuse you with a post on football. Being a pessimistic and negative person, I find faults and conspiracies easily where other people would be hard done by.

I am going to base this post on a certain club in the English Premier League  whose fortunes have improved since the arrival of their not-so-new manager in 2006. Of course, the takeover of the club by an American businessman hasn’t hindered their progress either.

Disclaimer : This so-called conspiracy is only fanciful thinking on my behalf and is not, in any way, possible or feasible. Completely fictional, I assure you.


Now then, I’m talking about Aston Villa Football Club, based in Aston in Birmingham. Aston Villa have had a very eventful half-decade. A change in ownership has seen a takeover which has resulted in a change in the manager. The year was 2006 when Celtic managerial legend Martin O’Neill took over. Of course, Villa were in bad shape then, suffering from poor transfers and a habitual anchorage in the bottom half of the table.

Manager O’Neill took the bull by the horns and made widespread changes in the squad, leading to a hugely successful team high on confidence and talent, and having youth on their side. You might think, where IS the conspiracy in all this?

The conspiracy lies in the squad itself. Now isn’t it pretty suspicious that a Irish manager will go about looking for talented English players, paying highly inflated transfer fees to secure their services? Look at the squad and you will find an abundance of the best English talent. An Irish manager is inclined to buy players he knows better, a la Roy Keane, whose squad requirements either included being an ex-Manchester United player or of Irish origin. The current Aston Villa Squad contains ONLY 9 players of foreign origins out of a total of 29. Of course, I’m counting Scottish, Welsh or Irish as foreign. That, in itself, is not extremely suspicious.

Luke Young

Steve Sidwell

Gabriel Agbonlahor

Ashley Young

James Milner

Marlon Harewood

Curtis Davies

Zat Knight

Wayne Routledge

Nigel Reo-Coker

Nickey Shorey

All these players were bought during O’Neill’s reign. Just before O’Neill signed for Aston Villa, Michel Platini became the President of the UEFA. Soon after becoming President, he had declared that the English game was being destroyed by the surplus foreign talent setting the Premiership alight. He resolved to fix it by introducing limits on the number of foreign players in the starting line-up.

Though the idea hasn’t worked out as yet, there is still a lingering suspicion that, some day, Platini might have his way. This is where O’Neill’s surplus English talent comes in. The EPL has many clubs buying and rearing a lot of foreign talent, notably the Big Four. Arsenal, particularly, has only a few Englishmen in its entire squad, being a French team essentially. :P If and when this rule comes into execution, it will mean grossly inflated prices for English footballers. Though Aston Villa are in no way poor, extra cash ne’er harmed anyone, did it? British players will then find pride of place in the transfer market, having being ignored in recent times. If all this does happen, it will lead to a lot of acrimony between clubs, a lot of tapping-up of players (remember the incident involving Cashley?) and a lot of other negative points. The only club revelling in all this will be Aston Villa, holding some of the best English talent on the planet.

Decidedly, if all this buying of English players is unintentional, kudos to Aston Villa for encouraging the country’s best footballers.

And I repeat, all this is only a figment of my imagination.

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Footy Favoured Flavour

August 11, 2008 at 4:17 pm (But I Didn't Shoot The Deputy!)
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Aren’t you just waiting for the 16th of August. And no, not because it is just another Olympics day. But because it is a Saturday. Dare to ask me why I’m so happy on a regular run-of-the-mill Saturday? Risk a bloody nose or black eye from football fanatics all the world around. It is when the new season of the English Premier League begins! Oh, syntax error. The Barclays Premier League. Don’t snicker. I know its abbreviated BPL. Very funny. Ha Ha Ha.

As I don’t have anything to do on this Saturday Bloody Saturday, I am going to analyze the most 10 most publicized transfers which have made the err … BPL a much better place to be in. Better did I say? Well, that’s for those stars there to decide and us to watch. Of course, the month isn’t over as yet and there might still be some last-minute fiascos. Just wait and watch.

(Of course, I’m not a professional analyst. Its more of my opinion than an actual breaking-to-pieces-and-observing-thing.)

  1. Luka Modric – Dinamo Zagreb to Tottenham Hotspur
  2. Jo – CSKA Moscow to Manchester City
  3. Samir Nasri – Marseille to Arsenal
  4. Deco – Barcelona to Chelsea
  5. Valon Behrami – Lazio to West Ham United
  6. Robbie Keane – Tottenham Hotspur to Liverpool
  7. Giovani Dos Santos – Barcelona to Tottenham Hotspur
  8. David Bentley – Blackburn Rovers to Tottenham Hotspur
  9. Jonas Gutierrez – Real Mallorca to Newcastle United
  10. Jose Bosingwa – Porto to Chelsea

1. Luka Modric – Superb

Let me begin with this man from Croatia. Signed by Spurs befoe Euro 2008, he has proven himself to be an astute choice at the European Championships. The slight man is an excellent passer of the ball, tackles well and generally has been all over the place. His capabilities and enthusiasm cannot be underestimated. All in all, I’d say he is a superb signing, even at the supposed £15 million price.

2. Jo – Don’t really know

When I first about this signing by the blue part of Manchester, I exclaimed at the price spent on this Brazilian. But on later learning more about Jo, I noted that he is a prolific striker, ergo, in Russia. Signed at a supposed price of £19 million, he is one of Man City’s most expensive signings. He might yet paint the Premiership blue.

3. Samir Nasri – Superb

Known as the next “Zidane”, but relatively unknown outside France. I would say he is a really good signing by Arsenal just on the basis of the few videos I saw of him on Youtube. And he is a very young signing, at the age of 20. (What else did you expect of Wenger?) Nasri is supposed to be a very good dribbler and would also fit well into Arsenal’s style of playing. The only problem would be his penchant for the spectacular, where he is more apt to take on defenders that passing the ball.

4. Deco – OK

Deco has been signed at the age of 30 by Chelsea, at a price of £9 million. A bit expensive, I should say, for a player on the wrong side of 30. But there is no doubt that this is one player who can change the face of a game completely by his technical skills and brilliant passing. There is no doubt about the class, only the age.

5. Valon Behrami – Good

Behrami participated in the recent European Championships with the host team, Switzerland. Although the Swiss crashed out early, Behrami has been a breath of fresh air for the team. He was one of the few people in the squad who impressed me. Behrami is a good dribbler and a decent passer. He would fit in well with West Ham. Needless to say, West Ham Could do with a bit of his qualities, if he stays fit, unlike other West Ham crocks.

6. Robbie Keane – Superb

Although I mostly included players coming INTO the Premier League, I made the 1st exception with Robbie Keane. Robbie is a brilliant player, and has played superbly for Spurs. An ex-Inter player, Keane has been looking for European football, and who other than Liverpool can provide it for him? Superb signing by Liverpool, the suckers finally signed their second great striker, after Torres signed last summer.

7. Giovani Dos Santos – Don’t Really Know

A young signing by Spurs. Dos Santos is a Mexican international, and was Carlos Vela was caught saying that he is “too good” for Spurs. Maybe, haven’t really seen him in games for Barca, but I guess he will be good, considering he is from Barca’s Premier Academy.

8. David Bentley – Superb

Has shown himself to be a brilliant player for Blackburn. Nice way to spite his former employers, Arsenal, by joining their loathed rivals, Tottenham. (For the record, Arsenal disgraced Bentley by selling Bentley, saying he wasn’t “good enough”. And that Arsenal fans refer to Spurs as “the scum”)

9. Jonas Gutierrez – Don’t Really Know

A signing from Real Mallorca, he is best known for his goal celebrations, where he takes out a Spiderman mask from his shorts and wearing it, runs to the crowd. But I believe he is a good signing for Newcastle, who have really struggled in previous seasons. Not that I have any sympathy for them, believing that Newcastle fans are the world’s most fickle fans (besides Real Madrid fans, that is).

10. Jose Bosingwa – Bad

Please don’t comment on the “Bad” before you read the whole thing. Not that I believe Bosingwa is a bad player, in fact, he is a pretty good one. But where Chelsea is concerned, there always have to be inflated prices. This deal is no different. £16 million is too great a price for a defender, especially a right back. And I don’t think he is in the class of Dani Alves, who is worth every bit of the £16 million of Bosingwa. Besides, Chelsea already have 2 right backs in Ferreira and Belletti.

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